Done

I still can't believe you've got the guts to do that. After all those years. After all the time, effort and feelings I've invested into what I used to call our friendship. Gone just like that. I wonder if you ever talked bad about me just like how you did to other people. I wonder if you've ever felt guilty for every lie you've told us. Was there even any truth in the words you uttered to us, or were they all strings of lies, tied together in a very intricate way that made it hard to see past the lie in there. Did you ever think of what we felt? You made me hate the people I shouldn't be hating on. You twisted my perception of you. I feel like a kid who's been fed with lies after lies, made me think there was something there when there wasn't. I feel like a total fool but you know what? I'm done. So done. I won't care anymore. You didn't even care about us when things were still fine.

Always get me thinking. How far will this go... But I won't let go, I don't want to.

Scared...

Why. Why. Of all days, months or years, why now? Please don't let it come back.

Long long time ago

Back then I used to question myself, "Why am I not the first?" "Why am I not one of the best?" "What does he/she have that I don't that made them better than me?" I worked so hard(and smart) for everything, and yet all my efforts were in vain. A few years later, I finally realized why. My motivation was not in the right place. I wanted to be the top, the best because I wanted the attention the elitists were garnering from everybody. I wanted people to look up to me,  I wanted them to ask me for help when needed, just like a superhero. Big mistake of mine. Thankfully, after many eye-opening experiences, I managed to see what I had been missing all those years—my reasons for wanting to be the best. I couldn't have done it without the guidance of my loved ones, friends and lecturers. They made me see that I don't always have to be the best, and there will always be someone who is and will be better than me, and vice versa. What I should focus on is what I really want. What my heart really really wants. I should do it for myself. This year had been a tough year, my last year in poly. Of course they'd give us hella of a time for our last year. Haha.
But it helped me push myself more. All those sleep deprived nights and tears were not in vain this time round, it has finally beared fruit.

I still can't believe it at all. Who would have thought we'd be working alongside Sony to showcase my team's work to the media and the public? Who would have thought I'd actually get to intern in a well-established company? So many blessings after all those years :)
Wouldn't have done it without my family's encouragement, my bf's patience(non-stop whining to him hehe), friends' constructive opinions, lecturers who guided us, and last but definitely not the least, God.

Just hold on

Shoe Searching

Does the shoe fit? No? Fear not, you're not the only one. I too think that I probably bought the wrong size, or maybe it's just not the style for me even though I like it very much.

All these years, I tried and tried to make it fit. Thought maybe I'd grow out of it but I didn't. Even if I did, I'd end up looking like I took somebody's sky high stilletos. If you know me, I don't really wear heels that high cause it makes me uncomfortable and it's just not me.

It saddens me but what am I to do? Forcing it doesn't feel right. Nor does stopping the search and being content with the wrong pair.

Should I go off searching for a new pair? What about the ones I already bought? Wouldn't it be a waste? I already spent so much on those...

When the going gets tough, the tough get going

Just keep going and doing your thang, Angel. Long gone were the days you felt like a complete waste of space. Those days you thought you weren't good enough for anything or anyone. Just continue doing what you do best.

Sigh

Such an insecure wreck. I just wanna curl up in bed and never get up.

23rd

Who would have thought something like this could happen. Coincidence, maybe? 

But one thing is for sure, choosing to feel this is my choice :)

Random Thought From A Random Soul: Expectations

Expectations. Every single one of us have a certain expectation or standard that we want to be met. Sometimes, it's what drives us to accomplish our goals. Sometimes, it just doesn't. There's a difference between a rational and irrational expectation. Like duh, Angel. You don't say! But you know what? Not many people recognize these differences. And that's why they are often disappointed with their decisions. In this day and age, you most probably have come across stuffs like these:

#RelationshipGoals

#SiblingGoals

#FriendshipGoals

Aren't they aw worthy? I'm not trying to demean, insult or criticize anybody who's into this, alright. But I just feel like youngsters(mostly but not all) nowadays are so into this goals that they're missing out on what's in front of them. So what if you didn't achieve these goals with your friends, significant other or siblings? That doesn't mean your relationship with them worth anything less.

Your expectation versus What they can give. Back then somebody once told me not to expect way too much from others because you'll end up being disappointed, and that's completely your fault.

I didn't really understand that, especially the last few phrases. "...your fault.". Like how is that my fault? You're the one who didn't meet my expectations. You didn't give it your all.

That's what I thought before, not exactly like that but somewhere along those lines haha.

As I have mentioned earlier, everybody has their own expectations. That also means the level of these expectations differ from one person to another. You will never be able to please every single person out there. Likewise, not everyone will be able to please you the way you want them to.

Your expectation and what they can give fully may not be on the same level, but that shouldn't matter as long as they're trying their best.

Sorry for the handwriting. Teehee.

Random Rant 101

It's alright to have your own opinion and to voice it out. Totally okay. You're entitled to that. However, what's not okay is imposing your opinions on others. Do you know what it feels like to be told that the choices you made in life may not be the best for you? It may not be the best but it's not wrong. I know I deserve the best and such but your definition of what's good for me is not the same as mine. We are totally in different pages here. What you guys want for me may not be what I want. The least you guys can do is be there for me. Be it during the good or bad. That's the only thing I'm asking for. I'm happy and content of where I am now but I'm so fed up with feeling like this all the time. You people are making me feel like a dumbass for doing this and that. Okay, so what if I were huh? That doesn't mean you should go all, "Aha! See! I told you so! You should have listen to me blah blah shit blah blah cow blah blah horse blah blah bring the whole zoo here yo!". Fuck I already know that so. Like hello?  No need to be such a know-it-all. That's just plain rude. It's like getting knocked down by a car, and then when you get up and try to walk to safety, some smart alec comes up to you and say, "Hey! You just got knocked down!". Yeah so much for helping me, Captain Obvious. Another thing that bothers the shit out of me is that it feels like you guys are always expecting something bad to happen. What are you people, standby mode of negativity? Hovering around me, reminding me every second of my existence that things can go wrong? Well duh! Murphy already mentioned that haha.

Just a filler post. Nothing important, really

Wow it feels like forever since the last time I posted something substantial here, other than my nonsensical and random posts haha. Anyways, how are you guys doing? School has started for me again. It's finally my 3rd year in Poly! Gosh! How time flies by so fast. It still feels like my freshman year was just a few months ago(Feeling young 5ever hoho). Walking down the hallways, looking lost. Running late for classes and power walking my way through people to get to my next class. Those days with my classmates, endless laughter over nonsensical things. Three years just went like that. Puff! So fast oh so fast. Okay, now bye.

P.S
Hopefully I'll remember what I wanted to write about for my Random Thoughts post. Teehee!

Angel, if you keep on doing this, you'll end up pushing people away. Over and over again.

Random Thought From A Random Soul: Swim or Sink

There's nothing wrong with being too wrapped up in something or someone as long as you don't lose sight of yourself. Because once that happens, you'll no longer be in control. You'll be caught by the current and swallowed whole into the depths of the ocean.

Now

1. Matthew 6:34 

2. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Blank Canvas No More

Ever had those days whereby all you do is worry and think and think and think until it hurts? Yes? These past few weeks, my head has been making me crazy. Being bombarded with thoughts after thoughts you don't wanna think about is annoying and energy draining. Why do I keep worrying about things I don't have control over, things that isn't happening yet and probably even won't happen? Why? I just want this to stop. I desperately need an off switch for my brain. Just one or two days of not worrying about anything is all I ask for.

What in the rabbit hole

What did I just get myself into, again.

Surprise! Another random post.

It's only March and things like these are already happening. Wow 2015, just wow. You keep surprising me. What else do you have in store for me huh?

Please

I'm starting to see I chose the wrong direction. Can I go back to 2012, please. Pretty please :'(

I'm going crazy over here

Hey school is ending, and this is crazy but you know what, projects just keep coming!
Y'know what I want to do right now? I just wanna flip everything and make that badass exit with papers flying everywhere behind me. Or maybe just a simple Breakfast club ending. Sigh. What am I thinking man. Gosh.My brain... where's my brain gone too. Why did you abandon moi when I need you the most!?

Too early?

Is it too early for me to start on my countdown to my third year of poly and the last? Yes? No? I'm having mixed feelings bout this. It's like I want to stay in this moment a lil bit longer—not exactly this moment because right now, we're bombed with tons of projects—but at the same time, I can't wait to see how it's is like to work on projects I've been so curious about ever since I have taken interest in the media sector. Gosh. Today's one of those days whereby I wish I had a remote that can control time. Hahaha

An Insight To A Hopeless Romantic's Life As Told By Angelica

I don’t think many of you know that I'm a hopeless romantic by half of my heart. What do I mean by that? Okay so, I'm not the over the wall type. My senses are pretty much in good working condition as far as I know. My head is still intact whenever I daydream and I'm still grounded, thankgawd. To those who know this side of me, pardon me and my weird habits hehe.

Basically, this is gonna be a 'short' post on what goes on in a hopeless romantic's life. Mind you, this does not completely apply to the other 99.9999999999% hopeless romantics out there. There are different types of hopeless romantics, and I shall not get into that.

Being a hopeless romantic doesn't mean you are hopeless. Contrary to that, you are actually full of hope when it comes to love. You are probably hopeless because all your fantasies about love are mere illusions. Quite unlikely to happen, sad to say.

1. You feed on your friends' or other people's love lives(This is common for the single ones). 

Whenever a friend of yours get into a relationship, you're one of the firsts to get the inside scoop. How did they get together, who professed their love first. What, where, when. You're like a paparazzi buzzing around for answers hahaha.

2. Your mind is basically a mass producing movie-maker. You always come up with scenarios that usually involve you or people you know. 

You're so good at it that you might as well be a director(and it's actually one of your dream jobs). Cue the soft lighting! The heart wrenching background music! You got it all on point in your head.

3. You dream of the day you'll meet your prince charming and he'll sweep you off your feet and you two live happily ever after. The End.

Maybe he's a secret admirer waiting to be noticed, dropping love notes in your locker. Leaving roses at your doorstep. Or maybe he's your childhood sweetheart. OhMy.

4. You never get tired of those sweet and sickly cliché movies about romance.

REPLAY 100000000x.
Yep. Haha You just cant get enough of the loooooooooove.

5. You turn into an emotional wreck when you watch a romantic movie. And when the movie ends, you'd go on and on and on about how the movie should have ended, how sweet the guy was, how you wish that kind of thing would happen to you in real life.

The only thing that could make me shut up is nothing. Hehe. Just let me be and I'll eventually stop yapping away. OHMYGAWD THE ENDING OF THE NOTEBOOK IS JUST SO.... *starts sobbing*.... Ahuh you get the idea.

6. Planning your wedding ahead.

Most people do, be it non-romantic peeps!

7. Each night before you go to sleep, you pray that you'll meet the one soon.

God, please send me a good man.
"It's raining men, hallelujah!"
I used to do this, pfft. But I don't anymore. I don't need to remind Him daily. He knows me by heart :)

8. You never ever give up on love.

God is love :)

9. Even though there's about 7.28 billion people on Earth and the ratio of male to female isn't balanced, you still hopelessly hope that everyone will find their special someone. If not, maybe a puppy or a kitten will do. It's still love though not a romantic one.

You know what, I used to be scared of being alone but I'm not anymore. If I'm content with being on my own, so be it. I have my family, friends and God to supply me with love. Mwa mwa! :*

10. You have this annoying habit of 'foreseeing' the love lives of other people. It feels like you won in bingo when you hit the bulls eye haha.

One of my friends get a daily dose of my love forecast on her love life. Haha bring out the crystal ball!

11. When you were younger, you had this stupid expectation of how relationship would be like.

Ahhh.... this. This is just a no no. One should not expect way too much. I'm not saying you should underestimate your partner's efforts. All I'm saying is, your expectation and the effort of the other person may or most of the time will not meet at the same place. Their fullest effort may not be up to your standard. You're just gonna end up disappointed and they're gonna end up feeling like they're not good enough for you. Get rid of that unrealistic expectations of yours. Be happy with what's given to you. Love is unconditional. Give give give.

13. Whenever you see your crush, all you can see is him and only him. That's why you end up embarrassing yourself— you didn't see the banana peel on the ground haha.

I'm that one girl who always make a fool of herself in front of her crush. Saying the weirdest things. Doing stupid stuff. You name it.

14. Love at first sight.

Maybe I shouldn't have included this but oh well, I once believed in this. Boy, it sure didn't last long wahaha.

15. You write love poem(s) about your crushes.

In my old blog(sadly it has already been deleted), I'd post love poems after poems. These poems were mostly about my ex crushes hehe.

16. One-sided love stories are your weakness.

Nuff said. So much feels. It's overwhelming. Leave me be and let me wallow in depression while I recount the time I was rejected. KIDDING.

17. You'll wait for the one no matter how long it takes, even if you look like this.

18. You secretly believe in soul mates.

19. Love letters/notes

Better than texts, emails, skype messages and etc.

20. Grandiose gestures of love may be too much sometimes but not all the time, remember that haha.

21. True love exists!

IT DOES!

22. Fantasy is better than reality to you.

23. In love with being in love.

24. Proposal videos/ Wedding montages on Youtube entertain you when you can't find books or movies to watch.

OMG This video made me go all "awwwww" I wish I was there to witness this beautiful moment :")

25. Movies/books have great impact in your life.

So riveting that some of its memorable lines have become your love motto.

26. You think courtship, even though old fashion, is still the way to go.

Ummm idk maybe it's just a Filipino thing? Haha

27. You are the person to go to whenever your friends are looking for romantic movies/books recommendations.

Yeah man! I'm as good as Goodreads recommendations!

28. You wish love didn't come with pain.

All rainbows and roses and unicorns and nyan cat and gummy bears and...

29. You love hearing your parents' love stories, and other people's too!

P.S
This post is just for fun and is not meant to offend anyone :)

P.P.S or is it P.S.S

I needa get off Thought Catalog. My post(s) here are starting to look like one :/

Blank Canvas

Sometimes you just don't know what to do with your life after a life-changing event has happened. You're done with all the reflections and yada yada and you're left by yourself. Tired and exhausted. You then proceed to stare at your wall with a blank mind.

First page of 2015!

My my my hello, 2015! Looking fab today huh? Hello from the future, to those who are still in 2014. Haha first lame joke of the year goes to me! K bye now, I still have lotsa food to consume(Media Noche = FATS).