Sunday, 28 September 2014

Caught the bug

Sigh... So recently, my laptop caught the bug and I'm currently and hopefully temporarily using my phone to blog. Such a sad, sad thing for me. What's worst is that school is gonna start soon. As an IT student, my laptop is practically an extension of ma body. We use and breathe computer. Haha. I can't afford my laptop to completely die on me(the only prob it's facing now is that it can't access the network even though it is connected to the internet, and our wifi is working fine.). My anti-virus software has failed its job. Its one and only job. Gawddamnit!! Grrrrrrrrr!!

Wednesday, 24 September 2014


What I hate the most are the thoughts that enter your mind at night. Those are the thoughts that often remind and make you realize something, be it a happy or a sad one. It can be anything.

Monday, 22 September 2014

Tossing and turning

I don't think I'll be able to sleep properly tonight. Worst case scenario, not at all.

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Somebody once told me...

My mentor from work once asked me this simple question, "If you were a billionaire parent, would you give your five year old kid $1000?" My first answer to this was, "Yes. If I had billions of dollars, giving away $1000 to my kid shouldn't be a problem. My kid deserves it anyway." Like come on, you would too, right? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that except, what would a five year old do with that kind of money? Hmm that got me thinking.

An innocent kid who hasn't been exposed to the kind of world where you  have to rip what you sow and sadly it's not like that all the time. A lad who's completely oblivious to what's happening around him. The boy can't possibly spend every penny of that money on toys. That'd be crazy. It'd be a complete waste to spend it on frivolous things.

My mentor made me realise that there's a reason why you don't have the things you want right now. It's because you can't handle such responsibility at this stage of your life yet or maybe it's not really for you. Before you get what you want, you have to prove to God first that you are worthy to be given of what you demand. You can't just lie around and be a potato and expect a sack of gold to appear at your door by the end of the day.

Life doesn't work that way. You have to go out there and experience life. Now, this is where life becomes tough. In life, you don't always succeed. You are deemed to fail at one point but that doesn't mean you'll never succeed. You have to give yourself a chance to see, feel and learn the things around you. Once you've experienced all that, you'll find a purpose. That purpose will then be the reason why you should be given that kind of responsibility.

Sunday, 14 September 2014

Project Spontaneous

Here's to another crazy decision! This path is definitely gonna put me out of my little bubble but as long as it'll contribute to my personal growth, why not right? This is gonna be one hell of another roller coster ride. Hold yourself together, Angel!

Me gonna take the plunge haha

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

One ending

The Dream Guy

In every girl's life, there is always that one guy that you had once pined for because he was the epitome of perfection. He was that guy you had been looking for. He had hit every single thing in your list. He is the type of guy all those Disney Princesses always end up with, except you. Sadly. He was that guy that made you batshit crazy and hit your friends whenever you felt tickled-pink. It made you wonder. Were you in love with him? No, you were not. You were just blinded by his awesomeness :)

This is going to sound cheesy and cliche but he was that guy whose name filled your notebook's pages, surrounded with cute little pink hearts. He had turned you into this sappy Shakespeare wannabe.That was not all though. Soon, you started wanting him to notice you. You wanted to be beautiful, inside and out. You wanted to be smart and funny. You wanted to be perfect for him. He inspired you to be a better person. You participated in all kinds of competitions and activities, knowing that you would not win anyway but you still tried and put in your all in hopes that he would notice you for your diligence and hard work. 

At the end of the day, you became this better version of yourself because of him. Was it really because of him? Hmmm I do not think so. He was merely a catalyst. You were the one who made it happen. It was your choice to take action even though your motivation was quite.. you know. The good thing about this is that you did not lose yourself in the midst of that crazy ass crush phase you had gotten yourself into. Despite that you two did not end up together, you got something in return. It might not be his heart but it is far greater than that.

The First Boyfriend

Your first glimpse of the relationship world. It was not what you expected. It was not like how movies or books portrayed it to be. It was scary and frustrating.You did not know how to navigate your way through but thankfully he was there to guide you. He might not have been the love of your life but he was somebody special. He was always there even though you pushed him away countless of time. 

He was always there. He deserved someone better. Excuses after excuses. It made you break his heart eventually. You did not have a choice,or did you? But what was done cannot be undone. It was for his own good anyway even though he was hurting.
The looks you got from his friends. The look that says it all. You broke him. How could you? 

You felt miserable. You thought you deserved those resentful looks from his friends. You felt like you did not have the right to love and be loved anymore. The guilt was killing you. Slowly gnawing every bit of your conscience. You imprisoned your heart. Not allowing anybody to get close to you in fear that history might repeat itself.

The First Love

Ahhh... You thought you were holding up your walls pretty well until that one boy managed tear them apart. He was the one who swept you off your feet. You really thought he was the one. He was not perfect like Dream Guy or as patient as First Boyfriend but you loved him nonetheless. He was the reason why you sneaked out of the house at such an ungodly timing. The reason why you lied to your parents and used your friends as an excuse to see him. You told yourself you would never do that again but still did.

He was the one who thought you were beautiful and cute even though you made a fool of yourself, every single damn time. He was the guy that made you experience the feeling of love and how it was like to be loved. He understood you. However, love does not always reside in Sunnyville. It is more than that. You learnt to be more patient, understanding, open-minded, unselfish. You learnt to love him for who he is, his flaws. You embraced it. 

Eventually, all that blinded you. You did not realize that it was doing no good to you anymore. You started disobeying your parents, ignoring your friends' warnings. You thought they were jealous because you had something so beautiful. You lost yourself in this love. Like most first loves, it did not end well.

Love takes you on a roller coaster ride. It is fun, exhilarating and a wee bit scary(yeah right haha). It will make you feel regretful once you reach the plunge. All you can do at this point is pray that you will survive this and put your trust and life on your seatbelt. But at the end of this ride, you feel grateful that you tried.