Long long time ago

Back then I used to question myself, "Why am I not the first?" "Why am I not one of the best?" "What does he/she have that I don't that made them better than me?" I worked so hard(and smart) for everything, and yet all my efforts were in vain. A few years later, I finally realized why. My motivation was not in the right place. I wanted to be the top, the best because I wanted the attention the elitists were garnering from everybody. I wanted people to look up to me,  I wanted them to ask me for help when needed, just like a superhero. Big mistake of mine. Thankfully, after many eye-opening experiences, I managed to see what I had been missing all those years—my reasons for wanting to be the best. I couldn't have done it without the guidance of my loved ones, friends and lecturers. They made me see that I don't always have to be the best, and there will always be someone who is and will be better than me, and vice versa. What I should focus on is what I really want. What my heart really really wants. I should do it for myself. This year had been a tough year, my last year in poly. Of course they'd give us hella of a time for our last year. Haha.
But it helped me push myself more. All those sleep deprived nights and tears were not in vain this time round, it has finally beared fruit.

I still can't believe it at all. Who would have thought we'd be working alongside Sony to showcase my team's work to the media and the public? Who would have thought I'd actually get to intern in a well-established company? So many blessings after all those years :)
Wouldn't have done it without my family's encouragement, my bf's patience(non-stop whining to him hehe), friends' constructive opinions, lecturers who guided us, and last but definitely not the least, God.

Just hold on

Shoe Searching

Does the shoe fit? No? Fear not, you're not the only one. I too think that I probably bought the wrong size, or maybe it's just not the style for me even though I like it very much.

All these years, I tried and tried to make it fit. Thought maybe I'd grow out of it but I didn't. Even if I did, I'd end up looking like I took somebody's sky high stilletos. If you know me, I don't really wear heels that high cause it makes me uncomfortable and it's just not me.

It saddens me but what am I to do? Forcing it doesn't feel right. Nor does stopping the search and being content with the wrong pair.

Should I go off searching for a new pair? What about the ones I already bought? Wouldn't it be a waste? I already spent so much on those...

When the going gets tough, the tough get going

Just keep going and doing your thang, Angel. Long gone were the days you felt like a complete waste of space. Those days you thought you weren't good enough for anything or anyone. Just continue doing what you do best.

Sigh

Such an insecure wreck. I just wanna curl up in bed and never get up.

23rd

Who would have thought something like this could happen. Coincidence, maybe? 

But one thing is for sure, choosing to feel this is my choice :)

Random Thought From A Random Soul: Expectations

Expectations. Every single one of us have a certain expectation or standard that we want to be met. Sometimes, it's what drives us to accomplish our goals. Sometimes, it just doesn't. There's a difference between a rational and irrational expectation. Like duh, Angel. You don't say! But you know what? Not many people recognize these differences. And that's why they are often disappointed with their decisions. In this day and age, you most probably have come across stuffs like these:

#RelationshipGoals

#SiblingGoals

#FriendshipGoals

Aren't they aw worthy? I'm not trying to demean, insult or criticize anybody who's into this, alright. But I just feel like youngsters(mostly but not all) nowadays are so into this goals that they're missing out on what's in front of them. So what if you didn't achieve these goals with your friends, significant other or siblings? That doesn't mean your relationship with them worth anything less.

Your expectation versus What they can give. Back then somebody once told me not to expect way too much from others because you'll end up being disappointed, and that's completely your fault.

I didn't really understand that, especially the last few phrases. "...your fault.". Like how is that my fault? You're the one who didn't meet my expectations. You didn't give it your all.

That's what I thought before, not exactly like that but somewhere along those lines haha.

As I have mentioned earlier, everybody has their own expectations. That also means the level of these expectations differ from one person to another. You will never be able to please every single person out there. Likewise, not everyone will be able to please you the way you want them to.

Your expectation and what they can give fully may not be on the same level, but that shouldn't matter as long as they're trying their best.

Sorry for the handwriting. Teehee.