Done

I still can't believe you've got the guts to do that. After all those years. After all the time, effort and feelings I've invested into what I used to call our friendship. Gone just like that. I wonder if you ever talked bad about me just like how you did to other people. I wonder if you've ever felt guilty for every lie you've told us. Was there even any truth in the words you uttered to us, or were they all strings of lies, tied together in a very intricate way that made it hard to see past the lie in there. Did you ever think of what we felt? You made me hate the people I shouldn't be hating on. You twisted my perception of you. I feel like a kid who's been fed with lies after lies, made me think there was something there when there wasn't. I feel like a total fool but you know what? I'm done. So done. I won't care anymore. You didn't even care about us when things were still fine.

Always get me thinking. How far will this go... But I won't let go, I don't want to.

Scared...

Why. Why. Of all days, months or years, why now? Please don't let it come back.

Long long time ago

Back then I used to question myself, "Why am I not the first?" "Why am I not one of the best?" "What does he/she have that I don't that made them better than me?" I worked so hard(and smart) for everything, and yet all my efforts were in vain. A few years later, I finally realized why. My motivation was not in the right place. I wanted to be the top, the best because I wanted the attention the elitists were garnering from everybody. I wanted people to look up to me,  I wanted them to ask me for help when needed, just like a superhero. Big mistake of mine. Thankfully, after many eye-opening experiences, I managed to see what I had been missing all those years—my reasons for wanting to be the best. I couldn't have done it without the guidance of my loved ones, friends and lecturers. They made me see that I don't always have to be the best, and there will always be someone who is and will be better than me, and vice versa. What I should focus on is what I really want. What my heart really really wants. I should do it for myself. This year had been a tough year, my last year in poly. Of course they'd give us hella of a time for our last year. Haha.
But it helped me push myself more. All those sleep deprived nights and tears were not in vain this time round, it has finally beared fruit.

I still can't believe it at all. Who would have thought we'd be working alongside Sony to showcase my team's work to the media and the public? Who would have thought I'd actually get to intern in a well-established company? So many blessings after all those years :)
Wouldn't have done it without my family's encouragement, my bf's patience(non-stop whining to him hehe), friends' constructive opinions, lecturers who guided us, and last but definitely not the least, God.

Just hold on

Shoe Searching

Does the shoe fit? No? Fear not, you're not the only one. I too think that I probably bought the wrong size, or maybe it's just not the style for me even though I like it very much.

All these years, I tried and tried to make it fit. Thought maybe I'd grow out of it but I didn't. Even if I did, I'd end up looking like I took somebody's sky high stilletos. If you know me, I don't really wear heels that high cause it makes me uncomfortable and it's just not me.

It saddens me but what am I to do? Forcing it doesn't feel right. Nor does stopping the search and being content with the wrong pair.

Should I go off searching for a new pair? What about the ones I already bought? Wouldn't it be a waste? I already spent so much on those...

When the going gets tough, the tough get going

Just keep going and doing your thang, Angel. Long gone were the days you felt like a complete waste of space. Those days you thought you weren't good enough for anything or anyone. Just continue doing what you do best.